20th Anniversary Documentary DVD - Topical Categories
Cultural Influence – Building an Authentic and Lasting Culture of Life
"From a historical perspective, 20 years ago the pro-life and pro-choice movements were fighting fiercely with each other. It was an intensely political time where people spent more time throwing slogans at each other, rather than listening to each other. I had good friends on both sides of the debate and neither were as bad as the other side always tried to portray them. It was clear to me something was missing. I wanted very much to help build a bridge of understanding, to find the truth that each side held onto so firmly. I hope to find a common ground where people might be able to see the truth of both sides of the argument. This is where TNN put into action this goal of inviting both sides to work together to assist women in having a choice they would otherwise not have.
"I found in the people who spoke of choice a real reverence for the freedom of choice that women need when faced with crisis. I related to that; I’ve been in crisis. I know what it feels like to have your world shrunk down to one alternative, and to feel desperate and alone. I know what it feels like to feel trapped and unable to breakout of that prison.
"At the same time, I had friends in the pro-life movement who spoke of the infinite value of every human life no matter how bad the circumstances were. And that spoke to me too. I wanted to try to find that common ground where people from both sides could meet and roll up their sleeves to make a difference. The Nurturing Network really was born of that desire, that hope, that belief that there existed a common ground where good people could put down their arguments long enough to help someone in need.
"So The Nurturing Network’s common ground is a place where people who are for “choice”, recognize the value of creating another choice. And the people who are for “life” help to implement an option made real through practical resources. And so, coming at this work from that perspective, I have the opportunity to bring allegedly opposing people together in a common effort, in a unified environment where they’re not fighting anymore. They can meet the woman who this day is waking up without a lot of options, with a sense that maybe her only option is to get rid of the evidence, get rid of the problem. That’s not freedom of choice by most people’s definition. The Nurturing Network is there for her, to make sure that before any woman makes a choice born of one option that that she knows there are people who will empower her with a life-affirming option.
"Our Members come from both sides of the argument. This is what Nurturing Network has somehow managed to do -- to transcendent the debate, to move beyond the rhetoric, to find the common ground so that we can make a difference in lives. This means that for the next 20, 30, 40 years anyone who needs a network of practical resources, real options, real genuine empathy and support, they can go there without politics, they can go there without any kind of label.
"I think our society spends way too much time judging one another. This is, after all, what feeds the media; it’s what sell papers and makes politicians able to set themselves in contrast to one another. We even label ourselves this way. If we could spend less human energy on judging each other and more on genuine compassion, the kind of empathy that helps us relate to one another and taps into our most generous instincts, then we would have a chance at changing the world for the better.
"But if in our own little families, and our little societies, and certainly our own spheres of influence, we keep being judgmental, we keep accepting labels—pro-life, pro-choice—we won’t have a chance. Our wars are born of judgment—you’re bad and I’m good. If only we could begin to think more as a solidarity bound together by our common experiences. We are one and we need to remember that we have been where others are. We need to summon the strength and generosity to offer to help someone move beyond the most painful moments. That is an invitation to grace. It gives rise to the blessing of community --and that is what The Nurturing Network is all about."
Empowering Women: From Crisis to Fulfillment
"I think every human being experiences moments of crisis and loss, pain so severe that you wonder if you can get through it. Because that’s such a universal emotion and that emotion can be so life altering, the question we each have to face is what we want to do with that energy. In my case, I wanted to elevate that sorrow and loss into something beautiful, something that would say to every human being who has ever been hurt, every human being who has ever felt lost, that they weren’t alone. I wanted those who were experiencing profound sadness to be assured that others had been there and that they could find within themselves the power to turn any crisis into something beautiful, something good, something that would inspire as opposed to hurt and destroy.
"I speak out of a wounded self, I speak out of an awareness that we’re all wounded, that we’re all broken and that we all need things from other people that we cannot summon from within ourselves. If there were one thing that I wanted to do through Nurturing Network it would be to empower each and every woman who calls upon us to find within herself the hope, the courage, the strength to move beyond a more despairing alternative to a more hopeful one. And if in some small way we can be part of that; we can invite that positive emotion, that awareness, that enlightenment in a person who is at one moment despairing. Angela Grace’s life continues in every women who transcends the moment of despair.
"Hope, power, and dignity all have something in common in that if the form of love you’re giving to someone does not offer all three gifts, it is not complete. If love is not practical in its form, then you may be failing to offer the recipient of your gift hope. If you offer hope but there are strings attached, then this is not a gift but enslavement. If there isn’t a sense of empowerment that is born of that hope then your gift is weak for genuine hope does empower.
"Hope has to be tangible enough, concrete, real enough, that a person can find awakening within herself as sense of power, a sense of her own capacity to move beyond what seemed impossible when she placed the call for your help. If you give hope and power, but no sense of dignity then you’ve missed the unique capacity of that one human being to be who they were uniquely called to be. Each of us is very different; there is no cookie-cutter approach at The Nurturing Network. There is no prototype of how a person is to be helped or served, it’s why everyone who is part of The Nurturing is revered for their unique ability to love and go beyond themselves.
"We take the walk side by side initially, and then the distance becomes a little greater as time goes on, until finally we’re in someone’s balcony cheering them on. This process is about empowerment based upon each human beings inherent dignity. It is about hope because you can’t get there without hope.
"That’s the gift of The Nurturing Network.
"In my life I was blessed with a father figure who came into my life when I was five years old. He was the chaplain at Dartmouth College for 37 years and a relative of my father who had left our family when I was very young. I knew what it felt like to be abandoned and I could see its devastating effects on my mother and brothers and sister.
"That sense of betrayal and abandonment is something I hear in every woman’s story when she calls the Nurturing Network. This is a call to action for me; it is a call to be her sister, her mother, her best friend. Father Bill was that for me. No one told him that he had to do this. In fact, it was inconvenient for him to take on this responsibility. After all, he was a priest, a Monsignor who would never be expected to help raise a five year old girl and assist the rest of her family. He did this for me. He gave an invaluable gift that others may not have understood. But I did at the deepest level.
"Father Bill taught me at age five what it meant to be loved without conditions and without anything requested back. He taught me to give this gift back to others. I hope to live his legacy of love in the way that I give this gift back.
"I think our world today is fearful. If I had to pick one word to describe where most of us are coming from, I would say “fear.” Fear unfortunately is the opposite of love. My hope is that if we can encounter even just one person who has genuinely loved us, who has helped us move beyond fear to the point of trust, we will have a chance to tap into the best of who we are and move beyond fear. This is what I would aspire to… to touch people in such a way that they feel healed of the fear. I would hope to empower them to move into a zone that’s more about hope and a confidence that they can go beyond their darkest worries about the future."
Motivating Compassion in Action: Placing Values into Action
"Nurturing Network has somehow reached a chord, touched the hearts of many people. The fact that we are not about politics and labels and not about taking a bow or credit for anything, people from all walks of life enjoy participating in our work. TNN is about touching a life here and now, today. I think people want to do that. I think people want the invitation to make a difference, even if it’s in just one person’s life - a life-altering difference that a person will never forget. This gift of assistance and encouragement will live on in a child’s life and a mother’s healed life. That is a gift that I think people want to give. It is what membership in the Nurturing Network is all about.
"That word has been so overused and trivialized, but to be community, to be family, to be one, is about forming a sense of belonging where we reach beyond our own world and include someone else regardless of where they are from or who they are. It is born of a generosity of spirit that says, in addition to writing a check, or giving funds, I want to touch a human life, I want to experience their suffering first hand.
"Through TNN this is done in many ways. For some, it will mean being a nurturing home. Many people today have an extra bedroom. Their own children may have grown up and moved on. This is so needed when one of our clients describe being abandoned by their own parents who cannot get past their own hurt. For others, it will mean offering medical care. Doctors will say, “I want to give the gift back, I have plenty of clients who can pay the bill, I want to do this for someone who can’t. I want to know at the end of the day that I touched somebody with my gift.” The same dialogues happen with counselors, employers, and educational leaders.
"We all want to give a gift, and a gift is something that we’re not paid for, that we’re not entitled to. When we give a gift, we become on an equal footing with someone in need. That is where the human heart responds. I think we need to at least try to live each day like that.
"We want to be touched, even as we’re touching someone else. We want to know that our unique gift lives on even as we’re giving it, even if it requires something really difficult of us.
"I think we in America have so much more that we need that we’re in danger of becoming numb emotionally. We need want our hearts broken open. We want to touch another life. And when we do, we are permanently changed. It is life altering.
"That’s what’s happened to me 20 years ago and it has happened every since. I am not the same person as I was 20 years ago and I have every client of The Nurturing Network, every member of The Nurturing Network to thank. I’ve seen thousands of people roll up their sleeves and give their gift. I’ve seen every maternal profile in courage invite me into a space that took incredible courage and trust. I know that I’m a better person for this.
"I hope that The Nurturing Network will grow from its rich history and that it will touch thousands more lives, more lives that I ever could. I hope that our 42,000 volunteer members will expand and that each will take seriously their vocational call to serve others. I hope that for the next decade wonderful things will happen for The Nurturing Network that I couldn’t envision but could hope for. I know that something very good will continue to come forth from the Nurturing Network staff and members because when you tap into the human spirit, you tap into the strength of love of nurturing and networking. We are tapping into something that no one of us could possibly envision completely
"My hope and invitation would be that everyone who hears the call to serve others responds not just from their head but from their heart, that they give from a deeper level than they thought they were capable of. And in that giving, in that moving beyond ourselves and our own little worlds, that we will discover something so much better than we thought we were capable of.
"Hope, power, and dignity all have something in common in that if the form of love you’re giving to someone does not offer all three gifts, it is not complete. If love is not practical in its form, then you may be failing to offer the recipient of your gift hope. If you offer hope but there are strings attached, then this is not a gift but enslavement. If there isn’t a sense of empowerment that is born of that hope then your gift is weak for genuine hope does empower.
"Hope has to be tangible enough, concrete, real enough, that a person can find awakening within herself as sense of power, a sense of her own capacity to move beyond what seemed impossible when she placed the call for your help. If you give hope and power, but no sense of dignity then you’ve missed the unique capacity of that one human being to be who they were uniquely called to be. Each of us is very different; there is no cookie-cutter approach at The Nurturing Network. There is no prototype of how a person is to be helped or served, it’s why everyone who is part of The Nurturing is revered for their unique ability to love and go beyond themselves."
Reflections on Founding the Nurturing Network
"The Nurturing Network literally came to me in the hours following my own loss of my first child, Angela Grace. I knew there was something bigger than myself, even bigger than my child that was awakening me to a truth that otherwise might have escaped me. I discovered that when we take ourselves beyond our own suffering and our own crises, and empathize with people whose suffering is greater than our own, we have the chance of moving beyond the darker human emotions of bitterness, anger, and fear into the more transcendent emotions like love, compassion, and empathy. And that’s what I wanted to do. This yearning is what founded the Nurturing Network.
"Having attended Harvard Business School and worked for many years on Wall Street, people tend to think that maybe this was a grand strategic idea. While it may be in retrospect, Nurturing Network was actually born of suffering. It found its roots in a loss, the loss of my first child in a late miscarriage. It was in that space of brokenness, that riveting moment when I realized that all the intellectual arguments to defend life that I might ever amass were relatively meaningless. I was in an open, very vulnerable space where my heart had been broken wide open. I realized that I could either spend this energy on self-pity or on healing; not just for myself, but perhaps others who were experiencing something similar, maybe even worse than what I had felt.
"Within moments of losing my first child, I started to think about women who had a worse situation than my own. To lose a child through miscarriage is an inconceivable pain, a searing loss that I will never be able to fully articulate, but I can tell you that from speaking with and counseling thousands of women who’ve had prior abortions - not out of freedom of choice but out of a sense they had no other choice - that their anguish is far deeper than mine. Theirs is laden with a sense that had someone been there for them, had someone been willing to take the walk with them, they might have been able to choose a path that was more hopeful. Every parent at some level would like to give life a chance.
"Whether someone chooses to parent the child or to opt for adoption, women never forget their children. I heard those I interviewed 20 years ago describe this fact when I asked if they would have chosen another alternative had a positive alternative to abortion been made available to them. I interviewed initially only 100 women on a first name basis who had experienced prior abortions. Of those 100 women, 91 out of 100 expressed a sentiment that I did not expect, certainly not to that degree. Repeatedly these women said that if they’d been presented with a positive alternative to abortion that they would have chosen it.
"That was a call to action for me. Their words of regret told me that the rhetoric of choice was not real for the vast majority of women when faced with the crisis of an unplanned pregnancy.
"Their words made me believe that there was a missing ingredient in the discussion, and it was not a political ingredient. There had been way too much of that. A new option had to have no strings attached. It needed to move beyond the politics of pro-choice and pro-life debates. It would need to provide resources that would empower any woman faced with this crisis to have a real choice, a choice that she might otherwise not feel that she had.
"Every woman knows that for a few hundred dollars she can at least appear to get rid of the problem. But every woman does not necessarily know there is someone who’ll take the walk with her so that if she wants to have her child she can. That spoke to me, I wanted to take that walk, I wanted to be there for her with open arms…and that’s what the Nurturing Network has been for thousands of women whose own support networks have let them down."