A 'Win-win' Answer to Abortion
By Caryn Kirby Coulter, The Catholic Twin Circle, Sunday, July 10, 1994

Thirty million prenatal martyrs can’t be wrong. There must be an answer to the tragedy of abortion in what is, for many, a "no-choice" world.

Just ask today’s unprepared mother-to-be. With an unanticipated pregnancy, she confronts the possibility of making a martyr out of her own child—before this infant even catches a breath of air or a sun’s ray. Often she doesn’t know which way to turn.

One woman is working hard to help those bewildered mothers-to-be make a choice for life. She is family advocate and social entrepreneur Mary Cunningham Agee—a Catholic, a seasoned veteran of the corporate boardroom and a married mother of two.

Through her Nurturing Network, now in its ninth year, Agee seeks to rescue and support unprepared parents and their unexpected children. The Network virtually eliminates any need for prenatal martyrdom—for either children or parents—provided the expectant mother taps into it.

Agee formulated the Network’s initial mission after months of intensive interviewing and market research. The Harvard-educated MBA drew from the professional management experience she had gained while working at two Fortune 500 corporations. Her business experience allowed her to address the practical dilemmas faced in pregnancy and family nurturing.

In addition, Agee’s personal experience of having coped with an interrupted pregnancy (a miscarriage, not an abortion) made her particularly sensitive to the tragedy of premature pregnancy termination.

"Try putting away the crib that you’ve already placed in the baby’s room." Agee recalled of her own first pregnancy experience. "The room that you’ve already decorated, the quilt that you’ve hand-made."

So, drawing on both practical and personal experience, Agee designed the Nurturing Network to provide desperate and expectant mothers, and sometimes their partners, with prenatal treatment, counseling, a job and a home if necessary—whatever it takes to give the expectant mother, the father and the child a good start in life. All this in a world that appears to confuse self-interest with moral obligation.

Rhetoric of ‘Choice’

"Under our current, convenient phraseology and rhetoric of ‘choice’," Agee said, "childbirth does not appear to be a clear or practical option for the perspective mothers lacking necessary monetary resources, insurance, parental approval, spousal support, or even a job that might support her through pregnancy and/or early motherhood."

Agee is sympathetic to her clients, and keenly aware of the personal and economic hurdles inherent to single or unplanned parenting. In her frequent speeches, she emphasizes the practical aspects of nurturance, from quality housing and health services to education, employment, childcare, emotional support and spiritual guidance.

Her program promotes and preserves life and family against formidable odds, by filling the gaps in existing support for unprepared parents. The Network is a visionary, yet practical resistance to what Agee terms "the holocaust of abortion."

The Network’s relief effort, accessible to all who ask through an 800-number, now boasts a membership of "guerrilla" lifesavers topping 19,500, including more than 1,000 home providers. Together, this rapidly growing force has succeeded in rescuing more than 5,000 children, not to mention their birth mothers and—sometimes—the fathers.

Agee said she is sensitive to the needs of unprepared fathers-to-be, some 10 percent of whom request counseling assistance from Network members. Additional roles for male volunteers in the nurturing process are plentiful, paving the way to greater involvement on the part of unprepared fathers in the future.

By many accounts, Agee’s underground of support for unplanned families offers a fresh alternative to the abortion-engineered family and abortion-controlled population at large. Serving as a lifeguard for newborns, their parents and all those concerned, the mission of the Network is to create a new choice where little if any exists at present.

"The reality," Agee said, "is that the vast majority of women who have elected to have an abortion would have chosen to give birth if they had a practical, realistic alternative."

The Nurturing Network, composed of "clusters" of support, is comprised of a broad mix of caregivers—ranging from family doctors obstetricians and registered nurses to employers, home-providers, counselors, clergy and general support workers.

On Call to Help

Networkers throughout the country are on call to supply whatever practical and personal services, support and pathfinding may be necessary to enable a successful birth process and upbringing for the Client family, be it a single mother and her child, a single mother who surrenders her child for adoption, or a traditional family unit in which a father is also present.

To ease the burden and loneliness of an unexpected or unaccepted maternity and parenting process, the Network offers a range of practical supports, specifically designed for each situation.

When a prospective mother needs to relocate, for example, the Network finds her a new home. Network members offer employment opportunities. It also plugs new mothers into support networks and surrogate families for themselves, then coaches them through childbirth and early infant care. As the Network expands, nearly doubling in size each year, parent-assist options continue to increase.

The Network’s nuts-and-bolts approach hits home for a broad spectrum of clients of many faith backgrounds.

In the case of Maria Arteaga, a Peruvian-born and baptized Catholic, the Network pitched in when she was pregnant, unmarried and 31 years of age. Arteaga said she conceived when the baby’s father forced himself upon her in what she now considers to be a fit of rage and a probable case of rape.

Alone and afraid, Arteaga followed the advice she had gleaned from a radio interview of Agee by Dr. James Dobson, the head of Focus on the Family. The desperate young woman placed a call to the Nurturing Network Headquarters in Boise, Idaho and inquired discreetly about the likelihood of receiving support through her pregnancy.

"I wanted to involve the least number of people I could," Arteaga explained. "I wanted to make the best decision for me and the baby."

Arteaga, now an inspirational counselor" for the Network, eventually gave birth and named her baby Joey (short for Joseph), a name she chose in tandem with the child’s adoptive parents.

The Network found Joey’s new family through the organization, membership and affiliations. It also relocated Arteaga to Redding, Calif., where Joey’s family resided. She lives with yet another Redding family—also members of the Network.

The job that Arteaga found through the Network gives her the time and mobility to play with her son at least once a month and to dine frequently with his adoptive parents in their home.

To Joey, Arteaga is simply "Auntie." His brothers and sisters, also adopted, call her by the same nickname. Arteaga thoroughly enjoys her "nephew."

"He is his own person," she reported, a proud smile in her voice. "He’s just independent. He loves his mom and his dad, and they know that—grandma, grandpa, and uncles. They all love him!"

The predicament faced by Kristina Olsen was similar to the situation faced by Arteaga. But there was some differences between the two.

Olsen was especially shocked when she discovered she was pregnant. "It was my first time sleeping with anyone," she recalled.

The native of Boise, Idaho didn’t know what to do or which way to turn once she found out that she was expecting. A full-time student, who was also working part time, Olsen said she was at a loss to find hope, and anticipated turning to welfare in order to bring her pregnancy to term.

"I was just ‘out there’," she recalled.

Olsen said that she felt abandoned when her own family insisted that she abort her forthcoming child. She lapsed into a deep depression, eventually contemplating suicide as she was virtually shunned from her Mormon Church community.

Olsen managed to find self-respect through the Network’s support and guidance." Today, she is the mother of young Taylor Olsen.

Finding Your Friends

"You really find out who your friends are when something like this happens," Olsen said.

Agee concurred with Olsen’s observation.

"The woman always feels some level of betrayal," Agee explained. "We need to take that walk with her."

Network staffers conduct a 14-variable analysis to pinpoint the best possible options for the woman, incorporating a review of family ties, health needs and employment options. The Client may choose among several options including relocation or the possibility of open adoption, as did Arteaga.

For Manikar Mom, a Cambodian, the choice to relocate stemmed from stress imposed by the baby’s father.

The father, a coworker of hers, labeled Mom both "a whore" and "a slut" upon notification of her pregnancy. "You deserve it," he told Mom.

The frightened young woman spent hours on the phone with Agee reviewing the situation and discussing options. Eventually, the pair determined it would be best to relocate Mom from Seattle to an island off the coast of Washington.

A Bellevue family, members of the Network, brought Mom and little Tyler Mom into their home, where they continue to live. Mom said she believes the Network performed like the dream she kept having, where a certain "old woman" might appear to take care of her.

Her advice to other women caught in a similar situation is: "Listen to your instincts. Go with how you feel. There are so many resources but you have to look for them. You have to help yourself."

Fr. Morton Viber, a long-time Network member and active volunteer, speaks for the cause of family preservation, labeling the Network’s strategy a "win-win" proposition for all parties concerned. Praising Agee for her "businesswoman’s vision," he points enthusiastically to her sense of "practical compassion."

The parish priest first Learned of Agee’s work in a Jesuit magazine. "Finally!" he said. "Something proactive!"

Viber applauds Agee and her vast squadron of life missionaries. He said he salutes the work, in particular, for its conversionary aspects.

"It’s life at a different level," the priest said.

Viber, the holder of an MBA, maintains he is pleased to be taking the pro-life issue to a more hands-on level by working with the Network. He added that his own spirit of positive change finds its foundation in a philosophy of forgiveness.

Agee’s approach, he said, is mostly a merciful one, driven and executed along Gospel Lines.

"She has great gifts," Viber said. "Gifts of the spirit."

The priest said he is well aware of the courage it takes to mount a workable and practical rescue effort in a troubled society. But Viber added that he is optimistic about the Network’s prospects and hopeful about the long-range healing opportunities promised by Agee organization.

Agee notes that her role model is Mother Theresa. Like the Calcutta-based nun, Agee wants to help others who are too shaken and alone to help themselves.

"There are so many broken women out there who don’t yet have the words or the emotional capacity to speak up," she explained.

Deeply Caring Rescuers

But the deeply caring members of the Nurturing Network are working hard to change that.

"These are ‘roll-up-your-sleeves’ types," Mary Cunningham Agee said. "Not just ‘bumper sticker people’ or ‘slogan people.’ How about we stop debating and start helping?"

(To inquire about the Network or get involved in parent/child/family rescue work, contact the Nurturing Network, P.O. Box 2050, Boise, Idaho 83701; or phone toll-free (800) TNN-4MOM.)